So, you want to be a dinner-party master?
I think you do! Here are some non-negotiable beginner-friendly tips from a perpetual dinner-party host.
In this article, I will focus on pushing your confidence to such a supreme level where you’ll feel comfortable hosting a dinner party for let’s say 10 people (don’t be scared by numbers, we’ll get to that). Okay, pal. Let’s dive in.
So I started hosting dinner-parties during my studies. I always liked the largeness of it. House full of people. Back then, it was 20 of us squeezed around a long table. Just after midterms. A stove with two burners and no oven, about a million Ikea plates, big bowls of curry or spaghetti bolognese, beers everywhere, handmade dumplings, smoking on the balcony, wine-stained handwritten menus, why are you studying business if you could do this kind of talks. Why did I study business, if I could have done that kind of thoughts.
Okay, don’t laugh, but I think dinner parties are the epitome of attainable glamour. They are so elegant, so glam. A candle-lit dinner with a bunch of people you know or are yet to know. You’re dressed up, there’s so much wine, the menu items include codfish, tarragon, artichokes, and fried sage, and then all you need to do is chip in €15 per person. What? Yes. Just ask anyone who ever came to my dinner-parties. Now, that leads me to my first rule.
You can ask people to chip in if the dinner party is getting big. Money-talk is always weird, but you should send a little message in advance - hey, it will be circa 15-20€, hope that’s okay, you don’t need to bring anything. I think you will put in so much effort into your dinner-parties, and nobody expects you to cover all the costs. If it’s just a couple of friends, or if it’s your birthday, I think it’s inappropriate to ask. Okay, cool. Now onto the fun stuff.
Aperitivo. Do not seat your guests immediately upon arrival. Especially if they don’t know each other. People want to stand, meet someone new, and drink a nice little Campari Spritz you made them. It gets the vibes going. Also, you should serve snacks. Keep it simple; very good salted crisps, and olives are more than enough. And place the snacks in multiple areas. I arrange some in the living room, and also prep a snack tray in the kitchen for anyone keeping me company while I finalise the appetisers.
Handwritten menus. I know what you are thinking - who has the time? Haha, I know. But it’s so thoughtful, and so pretty. You can keep it simple; dishes written on a piece of paper (1 min per menu). Or you can be creative, and use watercolours (4 min per menu). Do this the night before. And also, when was the last time you used watercolour? Come on. Use it now. It’s really cute.
Place-cards with names written on both sides. Everybody wants to see their name written down. THEIR name. They always take a picture of it. It feels very glam, and how often do we get to feel glamorous? Well, it is your task to facilitate glamour. Now, bonus tip. Write the name on both sides of the place-card. That way, whoever is sitting across, can address the other person properly.
Don’t ask people to take their shoes off. This will sound so stupid, but my flat has very delicate floors. Haha. But I will not ask you to take your shoes off (and I hope you won’t ask me to take mine off when I come to your party). It has happened to me so many times that I had to take my shoes off, but I did not plan my sock-choices well. And now I’m standing in your kitchen in ankle-socks and a mini-skirt, and it was supposed to be knee-high boots and a mini-skirt. But, but, but you should take it off for people with babies.
You need to eat as well. So I was at this dinner party once where the host did not eat with the table. What. Very strange. It felt very transactional. So please eat with your guests. If you don’t, you’ll weird everyone out. All this: no, you guys go ahead, no, it’s not fun if you’re not participating.
Prep, prep, prep, aka, make your own mise en place. Do the obvious in advance; groceries, dessert, table-setting, the majority of the cooking. But the best tip is to prep literally all ingredients individually in advance. So when it’s time to serve the dishes; the nuts are already roasted, Parmesan is grated, herbs are cut, sauce is ready, feta is crumbled, potatoes are roasted, and are waiting for you in the warmed-up oven. Literally, go through every single dish and think of all the tasks that are needed to finalise that dish. Then do those tasks in advance. (Also, obviously, don’t prep everything; risottos can’t be made in advance, neither can pasta. Salad dressing and salad need to meet just seconds before eating, otherwise it gets too mushy.)
Water and wine topped up at all times. It is your job to keep people hydrated and a little bit tipsy. Leave water and wine on the table (on multiple spots if you have a big table) so guests can help themselves, but I also think it’s nice if you take the bottle, go around the table, speak to people who you haven’t spoken to a lot, and top up their glasses.
Music (and make sure your speaker is charged). I am no DJ and this depends on the dinner-party and the crowd, but my dinner-party vibes are Frank Sinatra, Nora Jones, Olivia Dean, Leon Bridges, etc, etc. Then as we move towards mains and dessert, turn it up to some Italo Disco, maybe Pino D’Angio. You can also go into Chappell Roan, Jungle, HAIM vibes.
Start with an empty dishwasher, and an empty bin bag. Cause dishes, and trash accumulate fast during a party, and I hate it when first course is done and bam my dishwasher is full, and then I just feel like such a bad planner.
Serve food that people don’t have every-day. You want to treat your friends, you want to give them tarragon steamed vongole, artichokes and butter, tiramisu, prosciutto and melon, steak salads, beautiful roasted chicken, very nice tomatoes, salsa verde, cod au papillote, hazelnut-topped salads, fried sage, lemon sorbet, and all that kinda lovely things. Or make it a dish specific party (like a spaghetti bolognese party). And this can be really fun, and real cure for home-sickness if you miss your family’s cooking.
Okay, very important. How do I say this nicely, but don’t invite mean people. Sorry, bit direct. But good people bring good vibes. And mean people, they don’t. Also, anyone who is on their phone a lot, or anyone who already says they will leave early cause they want to go to another party, is not a great guest. You need good energy, and those who are interested and interesting.
Table-setting can be super simple. As long as you have enough plates, cutlery, and glasses, you’ll be golden. Candles are nice but not necessary, and it can be a bit stressful with a lot of people. Using one plate the whole evening is fine. Also, using smaller plates is better cause more can fit into the dishwasher. And everyone gets a designated wine-glass. I do this thing, when someone comes in, I tell them - go to the table, find your name, take your glass, and bring it over so I can pour you some wine. Also, everyone likes those Italian-gelato cups (you can buy them cheap on Vinted), Also, people love shells as a little bowls to put away olive pits. I have a special supplier for these (my grandpa Ante), but ask a fishmonger, and they’ll give it to you for free.
You can invite more people than you think. You can. You really can. Start off slow and build your confidence with each dinner, but honestly it all becomes the same at one point. Making spaghetti bolognese for 6 takes the same effort as making it for 10.
This is a bit exposing, but if you want your guests to leave, you should just ask: So what are your weekend plans? Random, subtle, but it works. I am not sure why, but the conversation always gets wrapped up after it.
Some honorary mentions (a checklist):
If you have no time to prep dessert, serve affogato.
Check that you have enough chairs. I speak from experience.
Basic but important, but make sure there is enough toilet paper in the bathroom. And add another roll nearby.
Get nice bread. I’m talking crispy sourdough.
Have non-alcoholic options (ginger beer, sparkling water, Ghia, etc.).
Prep an ashtray on the balcony.
Have low lights. Nothing kills the mood more than an overhead light.
Ideally, don’t host during a week-night. For 4–5 people, it’s fine (just prep a lasagna the night before and serve with a big watercress salad). But for >5 people, do it over the weekend. Also, you want people to stay longer and have a little party. :)
Hair up during prep, and ideally during dinner.
Dress nicely. No need to have a dress code or do anything fancy.
Hosting a lunch is maybe even better than dinner. Easier. Skip the appetisers and have just one showstopper; like a whole dorada with lime leaves and lemon (plus salad and potatoes). But don’t host a brunch. As my sister would say, why is it always eggs? And I agree with Klara.
Okay that’s it for today pals! Now I need to finish Intermezzo cause my friend Emma and I are hosting book club tomorrow and everyone on our book club chat is already full of thoughts. I really hope this was useful (tell me if it wasn’t). Also ask me anything in the comments. No matter how specific. And tell a friend about Cafe Léyo. I’m going to New York next week, and I’ll do 1 carry-on, 10 outfits type of article. Big kiss! L.
Take notes folks, from somebody who was at a dinner
Love this!! And can’t wait for the next dinnerparty🥰