My rules for life (part 2)
Dopamine menus, tailoring your clothes, never cutting corners, and big Elle Woods vibes. Here's the rest of my life-rules.
Alter your clothes. I inherited this habit from my mum. It’s very lady-like, and old-school, and honestly, I’m always trying to introduce elements of glamour into my everyday life haha. I have so many memories of the seamstress shop and my mum trying things on, choosing buttons, and deciding on the exact skirt length. Naturally, everything then fits you like a glove, and it makes me feel homey having a go-to seamstress in every city I’ve ever lived in.
Alterations for a wedding guest dress at my go-to tailor in Amsterdam. He is amazing (and not cheap, won’t lie, but he is very good). I’m wearing the Arielle dress from Meshki and it’s a stunner. Be a good house guest. Take the sheets off. Don’t sleep in. Unload the dishwasher (without asking if you should, ‘cause, yes, you should). Take the trash out. Always bring something; a loaf of good bread, flowers, a book, a bottle of olive oil, whatever. My sister and I had this thing in our student years when we’d bring various groceries to our friends when we visited their place: a portion of bolognese sauce, avocados, laundry detergent, packet of Rio Mare — it was funny. We were all broke, so these things were like gold to us.
Get it done, cause nothing is that hard (big Elle Woods vibes in my head at all times). You just kinda have to start. And if it’s not easy, you’ll be glad you started early. I’m now doing things I once thought were too complicated, or that I was not smart enough for them. But it’s fineeee. And productivity is addictive, and kinda self-feeding, the more you do, the more you want to do.
Prioritise your friends, family, and siblings. Not just your partner. I think your boyfriend / girlfriend is here for a lot, but not for everything. The joy of sleeping at my sister’s flat, of putting my friend’s baby to sleep, of my girlfriends staying over and the apartment swelling up with a never-ending hum of shower/hairdryer/coffee-machine (I LOVE this sound). It’s magic. Also, plan holidays with your friends, parents, and siblings.
Even if you don’t want to go, GO. Cause the best nights are probably the ones you wanted to cancel. I’m sorry to push you, but we all schedule so many things in advance, and then when the moment inevitably comes, we don’t feel like it. I get it, but 95% of the time, I push myself, and it’s always the best time. And also, what else would I be doing? Sitting on the couch being cozy watching Sex and The City with a bowl of pasta, which tbh sounds lovely and does not really prove my point, but I think going and meeting your friend, saying yes to that party, having a nice conversation with someone new — wins in comparison.
If your best friend has a big day (wedding, big birthday etc.), be the last person standing (aka dancing). I cannot stress this enough.
Make a dopamine menu; basically a list of random things that make you feel good. Then, when you have a shitty day, do those things. I love switching the narrative of a bad day. My list includes; a clean house, breakfast on the balcony, flowers, attacking my to-do list, maybe sauna?, calling my family, eating well, dressing well, time alone but also seeing a friend, no alcohol, reading in the park next to Rijksmuseum library with those deep iron seats. What would yours include?
Also, it’s quite handy having a seasonal dopamine menu; one for cold and one for warm months. Cause I sometimes read mine in January; and it includes things like going for a swim, and I’m like: ah yes, this is very helpful. The feeling of being very nervous (think that excruciating butterfly feeling before a first date, going out on a stage, etc.) is very similar to a feeling of being very excited. So I try and switch my brain into the excited mode. Literally, tell to yourself: Let’s go! I'm buzzing. It’s a bit manipulative, but it’s a trick that works. Especially if I have a big presentation.
Be proactive about your health. If you feel a bump on your breast, if you experience abnormal menstrual pain, if you feel that anything is off — speak to a doctor. And do it fast. You are an adult. Don’t be lazy.
Always have food at home that you love and eat regularly. You’ll see, you won’t do take-out any more. Well, I mean, you’ll do it, but not as often. My list includes: Mutti tinned tomatoes, garlic, lemon, white wine, risotto rice, capers, parsley, a lot of veg, anchovies, leafy greens, eggs, fruit, and pasta.
Labor and time-intensive things are worth it. A personalised gift, homemade granola, writing cards, buying vintage furniture… It all makes for a more thoughtful, satisfying, interesting life. I think we’re stuck in an internet doom of 5-minute tricks, tips, hacks, and all that crap, and I think some things (not all things) need time and effort to be done well.
I am very adamant about buying as many second-hand pieces of furniture as possible. This was the delivery day! Look at those shell-shaped salt and pepper shakers, and the vintage stainless steel IKEA lamp! Also, all of these items were dead cheap. Read. And bring a book anywhere you go. Cause you will undoubtedly end up on a commute, or waiting for someone/something at some point. And I heard Sarah Jessica Parker brings a book everywhere she goes, and if it’s good enough for SJP, it’s good for me. I’ll just leave you with this quote from Catherine Shannon (I can’t recommend her newsletter more. Start with this stunning article of hers.): ‘If you want to separate yourself intellectually from your peers, develop serious interests and passions, feel calmer and more collected, have deeper, more interesting conversations, and rarely feel bored—you have to read.’
Don’t base your personality on trends. Work on it and refine your skills, style, taste, habits, interests, hobbies, standards, manners, intelligence, grace, opinions, generosity, wit, and grit. It’s the only way to diminish insecurities. Well, it’s the only way I try and diminish mine.
Doing anything half-hearted never works, really. I’m quite thorough and particular in everything I do (which is also exhausting tbh), but the satisfaction of doing something really really well — it’s golden. And I really don’t like cutting corners.
The classics are true — wear SPF, eat well, sleep well, drink water, minimize screen time, spend time with people you love, don’t wear wet bikini bottoms. It’s all true. At least in my case.
Sunday reporting: just got back from a huge walk, my boyfriend is making us boerenkool, a huge Christmas tree is shining in front of me, I’m reading Our London Lives, and trying to find a vintage Furla bag on Vinted. :)
That’s it, pals! Hope you liked part two. Enjoy your Sunday and tell a friend about Cafe Léyo. That’s the best way to support this little newsletter of mine. Also, I’m planning a Vinted-related article for you, ‘cause I know you’ll like that, so stay tuned! Thank you endlessly for reading. Lots of love. L.
🤍
Always inspiring!!