My rules for life (part 1)
Dinner parties, writing down memories, never checking in my bags, and all the other rules I have to create a life that feels true to me. And maybe to you too.
There she is! We could go into the cordial introductions, but I think a baptism of fire is usually best. Also, everyone reading this is someone I know, so let’s kick it off. Here are my rules for life (part 1).
Write down memories, especially the everyday ones. I would have forgotten how my grandpa asked if he could sell his slippers on Vinted, how my boyfriend’s eyelashes get platinum blond in summer, how my sister was waving while getting in the Uber, how the first burst of heat feels when I land to Croatia, how my mum took pictures of my plane flying above her office (are you tearing up? cause I am)… But you won’t forget it if you write it down. It’s like time travel. It’s insane how small of a trigger you need to go back to those moments.
Understand what your style is and what it is not. Then dress like that. For example, I like statement bags, bare shoulders, Italian-heeled ballet flats, tennis skirts, sparkly glittery things, very fun jackets, sarongs, flare jeans, boots + mini-skirt combo. I do not like (on myself, love on others) blazers, sneakers, anything oversized, anything tomboy, shorts, t-shirts, or one-piece items (that are not a dress). So then, I just don’t buy those.
As I said, I love a fun jacket. And look. At. That. Jacket. Incredible. It’s vintage. I’m sorry cause I know that’s such an annoying answer. If you want something, ask for it. Work, relationships, raise, promotion, new project, whatever. Don’t complain. Ask! Streamline your thoughts (remember: too much info, kills info), practice it with a friend, or send me a msg, and I’ll prep you. Write it down, and then go.
Address people by their first names. And say their names a lot. This is a signature touch in my way of speaking hah! It’s nice, people feel that your attention is on them (which makes them put their attention on you), and it removes hierarchical barriers.
Make your own money. Marry someone funny. :)
Never check in your bag. This is a hill I will die on. Even if it’s a month-long holiday, even in the middle of winter, I will bring a carry-on only. I plan exactly what I’ll wear, and then I pack only that (a topic for a future Substack). I just find check-in bags to be so excessive, so RISKY. You don’t need that much stuff. It’s not worth the whole ordeal. Checking it in, waiting in the line, waiting for it at the baggage belt at 2 am. OMG… and THEN. It. Gets. Lost! I can’t.
This is my carry-on wardrobe for one week in New York. I steamed it all upon arrival haha. I do admit that the running shoes were a try-hard. I was like ‘I will do a run in the Central Park’. Sure you will babe. There is no such thing as gift guides, there are only listening guides. Yep. People tell you all the time what they want, what they like. They like your bag, they like that new exhibition, they need new gloves or whatever. So listen to them, and get them that thing.
How you spend your days is how you spend your life. Melanie Masarin (Substack, Insta) said this, and I love everything Melanie does. So yeah, make your weekdays, not just weekends, nice. Have a nice breakfast. Kiss your partner. Wear a nice outfit. See a friend after work. Go for a walk. Call your grandma. Choose a job you (relatively) like, and if not, make it nice. Do nice stuff. Your 5-9 is as important as your 9-5.
Speak to at least one family member every day. It keeps me grounded, centred, and gets me out of my flat-white big city bubble.
At dinner-parties, focus on the vibe, not the food. Nobody cares about the food that much. Yes, it should be yum. Obviously. But if your food is great, and the vibes are shit, nobody wants to come to your party. People care about good convos, coziness, feeling taken care of, meeting someone fun/new/interesting, nice lighting, good music, jokes, smoking outside, feeling welcomed. Food is secondary.
I’ll cover dinner parties in a separate newsletter, but handwritten menus and keeping wine glasses topped up at all times are imperative. A telling sign for a good restaurant is that people of different ages come and eat there. If your sight catches nothing but people in their 20s, in my experience - it’s a bad sign. You want to see couples in their 20s-30s, older parents and their kids, families, elderly people, etc. Older people have more experience and therefore a more refined taste - one that is based on quality and not biased by trends and Instagram. So a restaurant that is valued among all ages is usually the best option.
Never give a one-arm hug.
Always pick people up at airports. If there is something in this world that will restore your faith in humanity - airport arrivals are it. I love it. The drama, the emotion. Seeing families reunite and quietly sob. Dogs going mental when they see their owners… Drop-offs are different. As someone who moved a lot, I have some truly heart-wrenching memories of drop-offs. So for those, choose a way that hurts the least.
Literally crying every time I pass by this ING billboard next to the Amsterdam airport. From kissing you to missing you, from missing you to kissing you. If you feel like your outfit is missing something, tie a sweater around your shoulders. You probably won’t use the sweater. That does not matter.
Send your friend/family a message after spending time with them to tell them how much you liked it.
Make your living space as cozy, lovely and ‘you’ as it can possibly be. I know money plays a role in this, but if your flat feels uninspiring, try the following. Pictures tucked in mirror-frames. Filled fruit bowl at all times. Fresh flowers/herbs (big bunch of parsley in the kitchen makes your flat feel like a Nancy Meyers movie). Books scattered around. Plenty of soft low lights. Favourite playlist in the background. Sentimental personal stuff like framed family recipes, menu of the restaurant you and your friends went to. Mixing materials, and mixing feminine and masculine, e.g. iron lamp and soft cream couch. Candles. Something lovely cooking in the background.
No place does cozy better than Amsterdam. Here’s a little heavenly situation I spotted on my walk few months ago. If someone harasses you at work, uni, etc. you should report it. The thing is… they will probably do it again. To you or someone else. So when the next person reports them, the HR (or whichever authority) will see that they already have a layered file. This makes the case stronger, which makes the chance of them being actioned/prosecuted/fired stronger.
You’re not busy. It’s your priorities. I sometimes look at my schedule, and I’m like; what have I done again? But my priorities ARE my career, being with my boyfriend a lot, seeing my friends 2x a week, seeing my sister (who lives in an entirely different country), hosting dinners, going back to Croatia to see my family every second month, travelling (and doing sports, learning Dutch, writing in my diary, etc., etc.). These things fuel me with so much joy. So yeah. I’m busy, but I’m doing everything I love, and I had a full say in all of this - so who’s complaining then?
That’s it pals! Hope you liked it. Enjoy your Sunday and tell a friend about Cafe Léyo. Look, I put the little share button here so it’s easier for you ;)
This is my all time favourite thing. I need this printed by my bedside table
Inspiring as usual! Looking forward to your next one